I'm afraid to sleep. I'm unguarded in sleep. I can't maintain the boundaries in sleep.

I had yet another dream of us last night. It was a college us dream. Why can't I shake you?

Okay, Horoscopes lie! My love relationships are not interesting and harmonious! They're non existent!

I'm an emotional hoarder. I can't throw my feelings for you away as easily as I should.

Blogging from my iTouch has challenges.

Silly Insights

Thinking is a terrible terrible occupation right now. The more I think the more questions I have. The more I think the more I question my own judgement. We had a discussion in May about how hard all the distance was for you. It was in the middle of May, roughly two weeks before our little dinner date. I remember you saying it was harder then you thought it was going to be. You just didn't realize the distance would be so hard. Of course I pounced all over this. And I took it to mean we were over. I threw things. I threw a lot of things. That night I packed everything you ever gave me into the largest prepaid package I could find. And I cried myself to sleep. You texted me all the following day, tried to make it like old times. I was so angry, so hurt, so betrayed. And you were already seeing her. You expressed how sorry you were that I wasn't going to be see you as planned over Memorial Day. And we had another phone call. You reminded me that I jumped to the conclusion we were over, you didn't actually say the words. I jumped to that conclusion. And you were already seeing her. You said we weren't over, and you were already dating her.
We had our little date, while you were already seeing her.
Why? Did that date answer any questions for you??? Whatever the questions were, I guess the answers were I'm still not enough to fight for. Because it's just so much easier with her.
You have no way of knowing this, or perhaps you do because I like to think you know me very well, I waited for you to say the words "I don't want an us, it's just too hard". I held on because you never said them. As it more awkward and you became more silent I believed you when said it's work, work is just so crazy right now. When you wouldn't text me over weekends and you made the rather poor excuse of "I forgot my cell phone charger" I believed you. Because it was you. You said you were helping out your parents, no you were dating her.
And Memorial Day. Why oh why did you talk me into Memorial Day???? I don't trust myself to express how I now feel about meeting you for dinner.

"DeathStarPR: Yes. RT @LukeSkywalker: If Leia and I kiss but we close our eyes so we can't see who we're kissing, is it still wrong?"