Silly Dreams

Dearest You,

There is a funny saying about wishes and being careful what you wish for. I finally received a phone call from you. And on my birthday of all days. Its like a tradition with us, we talk on my birthday and I cry. At least its been the standing tradition for the last three years. I think its a silly one and we should stop. Only I don't think I can. I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

The call was in some ways a good thing. I do need closure. And it felt good to tell you off. But now its hit me, after our talk about how you feel towards your new girl friend (a title I never held, I title you won't grant me even now - was I more or less then a girl friend? why don't I rate?) and the plans you have "on the table" with her. This new girl gets all of my dreams with you. All of them. The white dress dreams, and the family dreams and the growing old together dreams. The waking up beside you dreams. The waking you at midnight on your birthday dreams. The dreams of more children. The Chinese food and Firefly dreams. They all belong to her now.

I can't even say you stole them on my birthday and gave them to her. You stole them so long ago, over the summer when you started sleeping with her. I'm cheated. I'm cheated by you and by her of what I thought my life held before me. And I found out for certain on my birthday.

I know you're sorry, you've said it enough times. A friend on mine when I was about 7 once told me "sometimes saying sorry isn't enough". I can guarantee you this is one of those times. Sorry isn't near enough. And yet you have nothing left to offer me.

You have stolen all my dreams away, or did I offer them to you freely and you gave them to someone else?